Friday, January 4, 2019

MS Comedy Act

I'm watching this loose biopic of joanrivers on prime, and it's a great show.  One thing it showed me is that you can vent about your ridiculous problems that nobody else thinks is a problem, and it's funny.  So here's my act.

So, I'm helping this old guy with technology.  He's 86 and went into a home because he was practically dead.  Surprise!  He popped out of the chute to the grave, and is running around.  They don't what to do with him, since everybody leaves that place feet first.  ... (ha, ha, laugh)

One thing I did was to choose things that wouldn't bother me too much.  I went for a pixel phone, and a pixel book.  He loved the phone, but hated the laptop.  "I want what I had at home." he groused.  I told him I could set up a big monitor and keyboard, and use a chromebox, or just the computer in the tv.  "No!  I want a messy or a fruit!".

NOOOOOOOO! I shouted.  That's like choosing between Hell or High Water!  They are horrible and I can't fix them.  You're in a bloody home, you can't go traipsing down to the Ungenius Bar.  I closed my eyes and covered my ears.  LA LA LA.  I CAN'T HEAR YOU!

But he ordered directly from HP, the total evil of my working life, and got a pavilion.  First week, he couldn't turn it on, after a messy patch.  I looked it up for an hour, and spent two hours doing the five things that 'could' work.  Now, another patch, and there is no volume, so he can't watch Prime.  That's all he does, movies and email.  I did the standard reboot and everything looked perfect.

I'm not researching what this horrible patch has done.  I just told him they'll fix it.  Just keep trying every hour.  LA LA LA.  I CAN'T HEAR YOU!  ... laugh, throw money.

ps.  when I was at work, I was into Sun Microsystems and Unix.  Then Compaq bribed the top, and this was attacking me.  Then hp bought compaq and bribed the top to use their horrible zeon unix machines, which were crap.  It finally went to the point where nothing worked, which was fine, because at that point nobody was doing any work, and that went on for 10 years.  So, I hate all these guys.  :)

pps.  The pixel phone has a black time screen that's on when idle.  Old man asks me "What's this bright orange circle now?"  I said it means it's sunny out.  "Oh".  We haven't seen the sun this winter in a long time.

more:  I finally looked into it.  As I expected, the update screwed up the audio driver, and there are half a dozen bizarre ways that may work.

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