Coldology - Statement of Belief

To be a coldologist, and to be included in the 96.5%, you must believe the following:

I am a coldologist.  I believe that the global ocean currents are perverse, and totally control our climate.  I believe that we are now entering an era of cold caused by the oceans dumping heat energy.  I believe that I can make a lot of money by pushing that plastics in the ocean are getting them mad at us.

I believe that climatologists are evil, and should be fired from their cushy university posts.  I will do anything in my power to get this done, including lying through my teeth.  We want those cushy jobs!

In ten years, when this cycle is over, we will have made enough money to retire comfortably.

I do so swear!

ps.  for mental health reasons, I'm putting off the campaign until next month's charts come out.  There's a coldology pool on what will drop faster - Toronto real estate, or global temperatures.  And which will cause the most chills.  :)