Saturday, August 4, 2018

Petietown Assaults Tourists

*this is a fictional account of a town north of Toronto that's filled with the living dead.  I have a video that confirms this, but for now let's assume it doesn't exist.  This is just therapy for me since I nearly died.

There is a town that hates tourists.  It has been infected by the fat and pasty living dead disease.  You go shopping and they are always looking at you with their beady glowing eyes.  They hate you and want to kill you.  I blame the spread of the disease on that Facebook guy.  He made billions destroying the world.

So, my 'fake news' video shows me in a giant tourist traffic mess on the long weekend.  The 115 went to one lane.  The most efficient and legal way is to stay in both lanes and zipper in at the last.  However, the fatpasties have declared their own anti-tourist law.  I've seen this several times now.  So, I'm going along the ending lane when the guy ahead of me fearfully ducks into the jammed lane.  There's a hundred feet ahead of me.  I didn't know that violating their law meant death.  I'm trundling along when a small stationary car swerves into my lane a bit.  Fine, I go around him and a giant pickup truck lurches out and practically hits me.  If we had connected then I imaging everyone exiting their cars and rumbling towards us.  I could phone 911 but the local sheriff is also one of them.

Finally, a tourist lets me in.  The monster truck goes off ten seconds later.  They all drive pickup trucks up there.  I recommend that all tourists avoid that place and let them stew in their own unemployment.

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